I accidentally had phone sex last night
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
