She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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