I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
