I think my fart just growled at me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
