I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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