I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
