i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
