Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
