i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
