I can text with my tongue
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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