Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
