i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
