Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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