Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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