Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
