I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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