I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
