Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
