There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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