woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
