I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
