He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
