also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
