Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
