So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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