my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
