we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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