I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
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