weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
