your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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