I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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