Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
