Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
