I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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