I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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