this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
