She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize