My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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