you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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