I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
