I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
