Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
