You're so nebulous sometimes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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