So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
