I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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