I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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