I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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