I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
