I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize