We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Boobs are out for the taking
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
