what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
