I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
