My cat gives me a boner
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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