I think I died a long time ago.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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