Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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