That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
