i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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