Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
