guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
