Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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