ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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