why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
