you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm at about main and main street
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
