Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
