Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
