Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
