I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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