Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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