you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
