Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
