yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
