He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
