Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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