you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
