oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
