Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
