Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
