i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
