On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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