I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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