I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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