I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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