You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
