I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
