You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
