I wanna passion pit in your ass
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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