First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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