I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
