My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
