Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Screwed.edu
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
