Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
