We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
