it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
