when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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