They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
