Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
