I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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