my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
