some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My liver just had a heart attack.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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