Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
