id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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